The other day someone gave me feedback on a radio interview that I had conducted. It was brutal.
It’s undeniable, feedback is crucial. As Bill Gates says, “We
all need people who will give us feedback. That's how we improve.”
What is important is the manner in which you give and
receive feedback. I was crushed when I first read it. It’s not my intention,
and it most certainly won’t help me, if I just surrounded myself with people who only provided positive feedback. There would be absolutely no growth and improvement in that.
But, feedback should not be so severe that the person feels totally
deflated; it should inspire them to find ways to do things better. Especially if it's unsolicited feedback.
When I was part of Toastmasters many years ago, I learnt
about the ‘sandwich’ technique of giving feedback; you start off with something
positive, then something constructive followed by positive reinforcement to end
off with so that it’s not all too negative or too positive. It also helps the
person giving the feedback to seek out positive and/or constructive feedback if
their feedback errs on the side of being too positive or negative. Ending with something
positive also helps to reduce anxiety for the recipient.
This whole experience made me re-realise the importance of
being kind. Whether giving or receiving feedback.
Being on the receiving end, I was tempted to jump on my
high horse and try and justify every line item of criticism (the list was
long). I was very tempted to also send this person scathing feedback on their feedback skills.
I did a bit of research on the sandwich technique and the
Harvard Business Review says that this technique undermines your feedback,
Forbes magazine does not recommend it either. It is however, my opinion, that
feedback should not all just be negative, and criticism of a person. It needs
to be constructive and balanced with positive sentiments.
But, I decided against retorting, so, just thanked them for their time and later worked through each line item. The feedback was valuable and I do appreciate the time they took to give it. I do however reckon that I would have been more inclined to work through their feedback sooner and take it to heart if it was marginally kinder.
I do still feel that I should give them feedback on their feedback skills.
It was a good lesson to be more mindful of my own actions and feedback.
When you do give feedback, is it genuinely to help the other person, or, is it to make yourself feel superior because you have a grudge to bear? Instead of giving feedback for the sake of feedback, take a few minutes to get your thoughts in place and decide what you truly want to achieve. Be mindful of how it may be interpreted and received.
What do you think? To sandwich or not to sandwich when giving feedback?
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