Respect, trust and ultimately a good reputation are quite closely linked; you either have it or you don't.
There are a number of great rules of respect discussed in the book (page 77 to 94); the two that particularly resonated with me are:
1. Assume that everyone is smart about something. I like how the author puts it: "I like to think that I'm smart, it is reasonable to assume that other people like to think they also are smart. The only different is that we are all smart through different histories and life experiences." [page 80]
2. Become a better listener by shaking your 'but'. I think this is my favourite one; I have become so aware of how often we say 'but', and what an unconstructive word it is.
When using the word 'but' it negates whatever came before it. As soon as your idea or opinion is presented, a 'but' from someone else has the psychological impact of saying "you're wrong". The word "however" is no better. [page 83].
My colleague and I had a discussion about this the other day, and she shared an article that indicated that you should use 'and' instead of 'but'; another business colleague suggested, substituting 'but' with "it would be even better if...". Not using the word 'but' is a challenge that I have also set my team. It really is a lot easier said than done.
The other respect rules are:
- Be aware of your nonverbal and extra-verbal cues.
- Develop curiosity about the perspectives of others
- Look for opportunities to connect with and support others
- When you disagree, explain why
- Look for opportunities to grow, stretch and change
- Learn to be wrong on occasion
- Never hesitate to say you are sorry
- Intentionally engage others in ways that build their self esteem
- Be respectful of time when making comments
- Smile!
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