Not my zoo, not my monkeys

A while back I heard the wonderful expression, “not my zoo, not my monkeys” for the first time. Isn’t it interesting what phrases or experiences it takes to get the penny to drop and for lessons to be learnt? Realising that I need to manage my own ‘zoo’ first before worrying about other people’s, was a big liberating moment.

So, now if a challenge or problem that I am asked to solve or be a part of does not have a direct bearing on the smooth operation of my own ‘zoo’ then it is OK to say no, or see how best to delegate it. Taking on too much and being overstretched is not beneficial to anyone.

What made me think about this phrase again this week, was a conversation I recently had with someone I had not heard from in years.

It’s the “friends” [air quotes intended] who could not be bothered to keep you in the loop with things (usually big things that you get to know about via Facebook) happening in their lives and who  generally don't return your calls or correspondence. They are the ones who then phone you up and after the pleasantries of how you are, what you’ve been up to it comes down to the crux of the call, they want something from you. You are only important enough for them to contact you when they need a favour. It irks me into another realm of irritation, when someone phones out of the blue purely for a favour. In the past, I would drop everything and focus all my energy to try and solve their problem and bend over backwards to make sure that they are accommodated; in the interim, losing focus on my own priorities, and ‘zoo’.

Staying in contact is a two way street. A high school friend had a wonderful way of describing things; she’d say that her phone actually also has the ability to receive calls. Keeping contact does not mean hours on the phone, or elaborate long folios of weekly emails detailing every part of your life, nor is sharing information on Facebook. A quick phone call, or even a personalised text message to say “hi” means a lot.

I am still guilty of saying “yes” too quickly and committing myself to things too easily, I am however focussing more on my own turf first by reminding myself ever so often, “not my zoo, not my monkeys.”